Genre of softcore punk music that integrates unenthusiastic melodramatic 17 year olds who don't smile, high pitched overwrought lyrics and inaudible guitar rifts with tight wool sweaters, tighter jeans, itchy scarfs (even in the summer), ripped chucks with favorite band's signature, black square rimmed glasses, and ebony greasy unwashed hair that is required to cover at least 3/5 ths of the face at an angle.
::sniff sniff:: "The Demise of the Siberian Traintracks of Our Rusty Forgotten Unblemished Love" sounds like it would make a great emo band name. ::cry::
Not quite Ambrose Bierce, but a good try, and it actually tells you what you need to know (I think). It made me think of the Human League, who are perhaps a bit dated now.*
Update: I might have known the band name above was real. Researching a bit more deeply I'm starting to like the image thing. I haven't got round to the music yet, and I'm not sure about looking like Harry Potter; I think the days when I could do that and still pull (even hypothetically) are long gone. For more information try this and this.