'I shall never make another prediction'

It'll be fun to look back at this in a year's time, and have a good laugh at all the things they got wrong. Almost all of them I expect, the prediction business being a tough one. Or it would be if anyone bothered to check back later on all the things that largely self-proclaimed experts tell us pompously will undoubtedly be so.

The big question is, did these farsighted, nay omniscient, Guardian experts smoke vultures brains before making their predictions? I just have, and I now know who will win the general election and the Grand National, but I can also tell you what name Gordon Brown will adopt after his sex change when he enters a Carmelite nunnery for the rest of his life. (It's true, it's true, I saw it all painted on the sky in letters of fire and ice). Obviously I have to get to the bookies before making any of this public, but if I haven't been locked up I'll try to remember to give you all a few tips.