Every part of the person we love changes, but we still love
them. So what is it we love?
Everything about the person we speak of loving changes over
time. Every cell in our body is replaced over a period which depends on which
source you refer to, but there appears to be no doubt that any given person’s
body contains none of the molecules it did some years ago. The few cell types
which change over longer periods are not involved in inspiring love.
But the slow mutation of tissue is the least of the tricks the
world can play on our sense of identity. The person we love can become a
physically different person in very immediate, perceptible, tangible ways, as a
recent of severe illness, serious accident or by fire, for example, and we don’t
necessarily cease to love. A father might discover that his daughter was in
fact sired by a passing vacuum cleaner salesmen, but he will still love her,
even though that love was initially based on their shared genes.
Emotionally and psychologically a person can experience,
again through illness, accident or the degeneracy of age, perhaps, changes so
profound that they become, literally, a different person. We love this new
person. In some cases there is no consciousness left, and so we love the
non-person. We love the dead, who are nothing. When their mind has ceased to
work, their senses have stopped perceiving and their body has been dissolved
among the five elements, we still love them
In other words, there exist a number of ways in which
whatever we imagine led us to love the person in the first place, can be
completely destroyed, and yet we do not cease to love.
We create love within
ourselves. That doesn’t mean it isn’t real, but it doesn’t seem to reflect any
external reality.
6 comments:
Yes, up to a point.
But love is a breach in our fortress of separateness. When trust overcomes fear, we don't bother to repair it. That's when love can be felt.
his daughter was in fact sired by a passing vacuum cleaner salesmen
He might still love the daughter but what of the wife?
Vincent
Eloquently put. And almost certainly true. I certainly hope it is.
JH
The wife is likely to discover that sudden changes in knowledge, changes in the lover rather the loved one, can have a much stronger effect than actual changes to the object of love. But as Vincent says above, that sort of change affects trust, and breaks the tie we have made.
Oddly enough, my father was the milkman, but it's never caused any trouble in the family ;-)
You write about love in a way that I like.
Even our own understanding of what constitutes our perception of love can change considerably, with that change of slow tissue mutation that you mention.
My own understanding of the love that I feel has often started from an impulse to protect that person. But just as importantly I found that empathy came first, it somehow had to, before I could love.
Loving everyone is an impossibility for me but I can feel empathy for most of the unique human kind that float into the day.
Brett
I feel a sort of goodwill towards people in general, which is usually translated into affection when circumstances bring me closer to them. It helps that I find almost everything interesting. I instinctively look for the humanity behind the superficially projected image, and I often find something worthwhile.
The love I feel for my wife is of a very different kind from when I felt in the early days (months) as we met and got to know each other. It is stronger, more complete and has a much firmer foundation, but I think there is a difference not only of degree, but of kind.
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